Healing Doesn’t Start with Fixing

There is a quiet frustration many people carry that doesn’t often get named.

You’ve been doing the work.
Reading. Reflecting. Trying to understand yourself better.

And yet something still feels stuck.

You might even find yourself wondering why healing seems to come so easily to others, while you feel as though you’re circling the same ground. Self-judgement can creep in gently at first, then more insistently. What am I missing? Why isn’t this shifting yet?

What I see often in my work is not a lack of effort, insight, or willingness.

It’s a nervous system that doesn’t yet feel safe enough to let go.

Many people don’t realise this, because we’re taught to approach healing as a kind of fixing. Identify the issue. Apply the right tools. Push a little harder when it doesn’t work the first time.

But healing doesn’t respond to pressure in the way we’ve been led to believe.

When the nervous system has spent a long time adapting, bracing, or staying alert, it doesn’t release just because we understand why we’re the way we are. Understanding can help, but it isn’t always enough.

The body is listening for something else. Safety

Not comfort in the sense of avoiding life, and not switching off or giving up. Safety, in the body, feels like not needing to stay on guard. It’s the subtle sense that nothing is about to go wrong, and that nothing needs to be managed in this moment.

When safety is present, the system naturally begins to settle. Breath deepens without effort. Muscles soften a little. Attention widens. Space returns.

This is where healing actually starts.

You don’t have to make this happen. In fact, trying to force it often has the opposite effect. The body is very sensitive to being pushed, even gently.

Instead, it responds to being met.

As you read this, you might notice your breath without changing it. Or feel where your body is supported right now. Perhaps your shoulders could drop a fraction, not because they should, but because they can.

These small moments matter more than we realise. They tell the nervous system that it’s allowed to stand down, even briefly. And it’s often in these moments that clarity, emotion, or movement arises on its own.

Nothing needs fixing here.

Change tends to follow safety, not the other way around. Healing unfolds when the body no longer feels it has to protect itself from the process.

If healing has felt hard, it may not be because you’re doing it wrong. It may simply be that your system hasn’t yet felt safe enough to soften.

And that’s not a failure.

It’s an invitation.

Safety isn’t the end of the journey.
It’s the beginning.

If this resonated, you might like to spend time with your own experience, not fixing, not pushing, but listening. Your body has been trying to protect you, and with the right support, it can begin to soften.

If this resonated, you might also like to explore:

• Why Feeling Behind is Often a Nervous System Issue
• Your Body Is Always Speaking to You – Are You Listening?
• Why Overwhelm Isn’t a Personal Failure

I’m Yvette, a nervous system–informed coach and Reiki master. I work with women who feel overwhelmed, sensitive, or stuck, not because they’re broken, but because their nervous systems have been carrying too much for too long.

My work centres on creating safety in the body so that change can happen gently and sustainably. Rather than fixing or pushing, I focus on helping the nervous system soften, allowing clarity, capacity, and healing to unfold in their own time. Learn more about me.